Toward a Better Me in 2020 — and Beyond

Making New Year’s resolutions has never been much of a thing for me. This year I’m going to try something different, by making some big, lofty goals for myself.

These are the areas I’ve thought of so far to make myself a better me:

• Be more present
• Be more kind to others
• Be more kind to myself
• Make the world a little bit better
• Embrace my creative side

Be more present

Few of us currently inhabiting planet Earth can say that we are not distracted at least some of the time by one or more electronic devices, and I am no exception. Here are changes I intend to make to be more present:

• Find more opportunities to be unplugged, and stay that way for a while. For me, an obvious example is when I’m on any form of public transit. Just about everyone around me is going to be closed off from me and the rest of the world, but that doesn’t mean that I have to be. (Update: As of early Feb. 2020, I have been consistent about either reading a book, or reading nothing, when on public transit; also, on one noteworthy occasion, EVERYBODY sitting near me on a train — about seven people — were reading books, they were not on their phones.)
• Embrace opportunities to engage in conversations, with people I’ve never met, and with people I already know. I need to keep reminding myself that every conversation I don’t have is a missed opportunity. (Update: In early Feb. 2020, had a lengthy conversation in a train station (in Hebrew) with a couple of guys I hadn’t met before.)
• Listen attentively to what people are saying. I struggle to find a mental off-switch some of the time; I need to remember to mentally check in frequently and be aware of what signals I’m sending via expressions and body language. (Update: As long as I *remind myself* to “tune in,” I feel like I’m doing better in this area, on those occasions.)
• Devote more time to social interaction, outside of a work context. I’ve allowed my work-life balance to swing way too far toward work of late. (Update: I’ve wrapped up work with a particular client, which was mostly remote; working locally will, in and of itself, help me improve in this area.)
• Write these areas for improvement on note cards. By keeping these topics with me in a written form, I am more likely to reference them frequently and act upon my advice to myself. (DONE : D )

Be more kind to others

We live in a time when it’s far too easy to make assumptions about people based on a label, like political or religious affiliations, or lifestyle choices.

• Assume the best, not the worst, in people. It’s less likely for me to have a productive interaction with someone if I let my assumptions about them dictate how I interact (or don’t interact) with them. (Update: I’m still working on this, and it will be one of the hardest things for me to change.)
• Be conscious that different people have different definitions of personal space. I grew up in a context where an embrace is seen as a friendly gesture, but others might have interpretations or preferences that differ from mine. (Update: I am trying to do better at reading personal cues, and I’m cautiously optimistic I’m doing better with this.)
• Keep in mind that the physical and emotional safety that I tend to take for granted is not a given for others. There are myriad daily interactions where I can make a different choice that could be helpful to someone else, like waiting for the next elevator, slowing down and giving a cue before passing on a busy pedestrian/cycling trail, or simply being more aware of various forms of verbal and non-verbal communication.
• Turn down the volume, when others turn it up. If and when somebody is getting angry and raises their voice, I can help diffuse the situation by speaking more softly.

Be more kind to myself

It’s far too easy to fall into the trap of letting the increasingly fast pace of life negatively impact mental and physical health.

• Set aside time for exercise. I’m far more likely to get regular exercise if I find a way to build it into some form of regular routine, for example, integrating it with the process of going to or from work. (Update: Long story, still lots of room for improvement in this area).
• Be more selective about what I eat. It’s particularly difficult to consistently stick to a healthy diet when I’m out of town for work. Nonetheless, whether I’m at home or at a restaurant, the choice is ultimately up to me when it comes to this aspect of a healthy lifestyle. (Update: Working locally instead of remotely is going to have a significant and positive impact on my diet.)
• Set aside time for self-study. Aside from work-related topics, I would like to set aside more time to reading, listening to podcasts, and taking online courses to increase my knowledge in areas like paleontology, theater, and music. (Update — Spending some study time on a Threatre Tech course, along with the homework associated with it.)
• Set aside time for reading. The more time I spend unplugged, the higher the likelihood that I’ll devote time to reading. (Update — as of early February, 2020, have read After War: The Weight of Life at Walter Reed, by Zoe Wool; We Do Our Part, by Charles Peters; The Fire Next Time, by James Baldwin; and The Ministry of Guidance Invites You to Not Stay: An American Family in Iran, by Hooman Majd.)
• Set aside time for writing. I spend plenty of time writing about work-related topics, but seldom write about other topics. Most likely next step is to take a playwriting class.

Make the world a little bit better

Sometimes it seems like the world is spinning completely out of control. And yet, we have the power to change things.

• Seek out community-oriented voluntary activities. I have been fortunate to find voluntary activities that I find fulfilling, like being a volunteer firefighter/EMT (in the recent past), spending time in the FossiLab at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History, and getting directly involved with film and music festivals. I would like to branch out to include voluntary activities that are likely to make the lives of others better via mentoring and similar activities, in settings like schools, hospitals, and community centers.
• Apply what I’ve learned about facilitation in other contexts. I would like to share ideas with caregivers and others who work with people experiencing cognitive decline, due to Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and dementia, in its various forms. I’ve started a Trello board with ideas for games and activities that could be helpful in this context.
• Be more selective about which sellers I buy things from. In some areas I am doing reasonably well, such as almost always going to independent coffee shops; there is room for improvement in other areas, such as buying more books from independent book stores, rather than relying on Amazon as much as I do.

Embrace my creative side

The creative arts often get less time and attention than they deserve. To support a thriving creative community, it’s important to find ways to either get directly involved or at least be a patron of the arts.

• Learn to play more musical instruments. I’ve reached a reasonable level of proficiency on a few musical instruments in the past. It’s now long overdue for me to find a way to reinvigorate that aspect of my life, and a good way to do it is to learn to play some musical instruments that I have little experience with. (Update: Have played a bit of harmonica; have not gotten this started as regular routine yet, though.)
• Listen to music more often. I discover a lot of great music by going to music festivals and other live performances; I plan to continue to take in live performances, and also to spend more time listening to music to further expand my musical horizons. (Update: Went to a recent performance at the Anthem by Grace Potter, one of my favorite performers.)
• Get some practical experience with sound, lighting, and set design. I love going to the theater. A logical next step for me is to get some training and find some opportunities to get involved with local theater productions. (Update: Now 2/3 done with the Theatre Tech course, and it is even more fun than I had imagined. A while after the course ends, I’ll get an opportunity to apply those skills during a practicum, where I’ll work on a short run of the play “Bonnie and Clyde.”)
• Try improv. It’s been on my to-do list for quite some time to take an Improv class; no time like the present! (Update: I’ve signed up for an introductory improv class, which starts on Feb. 18.)

Concluding Thoughts

By making these lofty goals, I suppose I’m deviating from what I understand to be the most common approach to making New Year’s resolutions, in the following ways:

• Many of the things I’ve described have to do with ongoing self-improvement, which is a continuous journey, and as such are not going to be time-delimited.
• I chose not to cover anything that is directly related to my chosen professional avocation — of being an Agile Coach (I write about many of those work-related things on my blog). I say “directly related” because some of the improvements I described— like the ones that fall into the category “be more present” — are certainly applicable in a work context. However, I find I’m more likely to be thinking about and acting upon those types of things when I’m at work, because they’re important components of being an effective facilitator. (To be clear, there is plenty of room for improvement when it comes to my facilitation skills, and I’m very fortunate to be around people who provide me with feedback on areas where I can improve.)
• I’m also seeking to make a distinction between work and non-work because: (1) Prioritization; There is more I can and should do to draw a brighter line between my personal life and my professional life, and assign greater priority to the former than I do to the latter; (2). Improvements I want to make from a professional development perspective are things that I keep track of using a Trello board, and making those things time-delimited, not to mention seeing them move from in progress to done, has been both satisfying, and reasonably effective, for me.

That’s it for now. I’ll likely think of more things, but this is plenty to start with!